The first of things to come

Wun be writing much for tonite, but I'll try the best I can. Still feeling dizzy from Escape Theme Park outing. Today will be my dad's bd. So dad, wherever u are, I remembered. I saw a white-haired elderly gentlemen today in a checkers shirt, dark pants and a walking stick. He looked nothing like you, except for the feeble part. But he was queuing in line for the doubles go-cart with no doubt, another family member. It's a silly thought, was just wondering if you would have liked it sitting beside me had I been the one to drive the go-cart. Its just a silly thought punctuated with wat-ifs.

Last sun was the 1st year anniversary of your death, so we went down to the Mandai Crematorium together with baby. And so you got ur first look at ur grand-daughter, and she, the granddad who would have doted on her.

They'll always conversed to ur plaque which holds a porcelain photo of you. I seldom do. All I think of is the ashes that lies behind. They are just fragments of a physical body, and I dun tink u r trapped there. Its a dislocated reality for me, at least. Well, Well, Well. U never know who is going to join u next. I have prayed many times for a swift end, which has not happened, yet. Mayb it will.

So there, the first of my bds without you, the first of ur death anniversary 6 days later, and 8 days later, the first of ur bds that we wun be with u.

Things will get easier the second time around.