Letter

Hi Dad,

How are you? Are you in heaven now, looking down on us? I am not sure if you can see this..i miss you. Our whole family too. I heard from brother that mum cried a few days ago in the living room while she was eating, because she remembered that it was one of your favourite food while you were here. I din't know what to say when i heard that..because i still do that too. Maybe our whole family does..i dunno.

Brother's baby daughter is now two mths old. All of us thinks she looks like you. She is like this miniature version of you...when i look at her, it seems a part of you lives on in her..yet sometimes i cannot bear to look at her too. I've been reading up, and i have concrete proof from scientists that there is life after death. You are somewhere around rite? Tell me dad, when are you taking me away? When i die, would u be there to welcome me? Will you be there to wait for me? Tell me dad, why do i feel the way i do? Everyday is such a constant struggle, and i don't even like it that much. I don't understand the way i feel, except i feel sick to my stomach and nauseous all the time. Just now i was in bed half asleep, and my tears just fell again. It's not even of my own accord. I tried lying in bed and forced myself back to sleep, but the tears just continued falling and in the end i could only sob and wept. Tell me why i feel this way dad, am i still griveing? It's been ten months and i am supposed to be over this stage, i tink. I feel so tired and weary, and my heart still hurts. I wished i had known you better when you were alive, but i din think you would go away this fast. You only just started sitting in a wheelchair, and there were so many places we thought of bringing you. I am sorry dad, that i never ask you properly about your day although u ask about mine. I am sorry i never given you a hug. You were always so happy when i gave you money every month, although i know you have never used it. You said you were keeping it for me. I sm sorry that you never got to be happy one more time, for my pay was just coming out. I am sorry we never got to celebrate your birthday which was a week later, and we never took more pictures. I am sorry i never got to take a pic with you on my birthday, which was just a few days before. You were just sitting there, and i thought there would still be other chances. I am sorry that while brother and sister were trying to clean your unconscious body with a bath towel and talking to you, i was sitting on a chair, stunned and numb. I din get to do my last duty as a child. I am sorry we never held your hand as you went away, because the docters are trying to save you and we could not get in. I am sorry that i never got to said i love you and meant it with my heart, these words had tasted strange on my lips and they were just urging me to say that as you slipped into uncounsciousness...and i thought somewhere in a part of my mind you would make it through. I miss you, dad. I still do. We all do. I love you, dad. Can i say it to you face to face when we meet each other again? I am sure they are all busy with the baby, i won't be much missed. Take me away with you.